20.6.05

One Week

So, I've gone and gotten myself all depressed. Looking at the calendar, realizing that stuff happens, or should be happening this week.
Yesterday, of course, was Father's Day. Saturday is my father's birthday. Unfortunately, I lost my father to cancer when I was in high school.

For the past few years, there has been a good day in the middle of all this.

But that would be my anniversary, which is tomorrow.

Not much help there.

I'm usually not too effected by these types of marks on the calendar, but these just seemed to be lumped too close together. And its really knocking me for a loop.

But it should just be for a week.

Then I'll be my normal, cheery self.

Hurray.

15.6.05

This is just too funny

Curt Schilling Is A Geek!

I found this just seconds after my previous post, so there it is.

Attitude

So, I mentioned that I went to see VNV Nation in Boston on Sunday. I did want to say a few words about that, and like I said, these words needed their own space. I'm not gonna give an overview, because you can read many thoughts about the show on many of the blogs I've linked to, or those blogs link to.

I'm gonna be cheesy and say that I had a bit more of an altering experience at the show.

Now, when I decided to go to the show, I really didn't know anything about the band. I had heard some of their stuff, and honestly, it made so little of an impression that I couldn't pick any of it out of a line up. Second, I, for the most part, hate electronic music. My taste in music tends to run more in the R.E.M. vain. (Also, a lot of Britpop/shoegazer type stuff, but you get the idea.) I figure I'd go, be social, get the fuck out of Portland, look at some cute goth girls, etc, etc...

When we actually got to the show, yup, there were the goth girls...part one down. The the opening act came on. It was indeed everything I hate about electronic music. One guy, standing on stage, jumping around like a moron, playing with a computer and a mixing board. The only other time I saw an act like that, it was Aphex Twin, and I walked out of the show. Yeah, he was good at what he did, but it was boring as fuck to watch, or even listen to. Dear god, some one please tell me I'm not in for three hours of this.

Thankfully, that guy got off stage pretty quickly, and the second band, imperative Reaction (?) started. Yeah, they were all electronic, but the played as a band, with the electronic kit set up. And they sounded good. O.K. I can deal with this. And there are still girls around...

Then VNV started. And about three songs into their set, I realized that A, I found a new (to me) band exciting and enjoyable and b, I was where I needed to be, at that exact moment, and in life in general. And this huge grin crept across my face. And I was truly happy, right then and there.

I know I keep bludgeoning the deceased equine, my life took a huge one-eighty two months ago, and I did hit a low. And I could have kept going down. And I almost did. But where I am is where I need to be. And now I close the book on that subject, but leave a bookmark there, because the experience is now indelibly part of who I am, and will shape a lot of me from here on out, and I can't entirely ignore it.

And, if anybody in the VNV Nation camp happens upon this blog, thank you. You got me excited about music for the first time in about five years. That means a lot to me.

14.6.05

Whoops...

I noticed that I haven't posted in a while. And I should have. There's been a fair amount of things that have happened over the past two weekends that are fairly noteworthy (at least to me. Your mileage may vary).
Paradoxically, these things have either left me no time, too drained, or both, to do any sort of meaningful post. So here I go now. Quick one before bed:

Last Friday, ended up at Amigo's. Don't know why, really. Just no one else was around that wanted to go drinking, and had no money to leave Portland. Oh well. I did happen to run into my ex-wife, which I was kinda at the time not wanting to. Not that I am trying to avoid, but it just threw my balance off a little.
So, had my customary two beers, and wandered off down Wharf St. Figured there are lots of bars in Portland that I never go into, and it was high time I reminded myself why. And it just so happened that as I reached the top of the street, an ex-girlfriend of mine was standing there, waiting to go into the Penguin, or Iguana, or one of those places. (Just realizing now that Wharf St. may be the only place an Iguana and a Penguin can exist just a few doors down from each other. Huh.) So I end up bar hopping with her, ran into a girl she knew from high school, and I knew from Zootz (yup) and more barhopping ensued. Got very shitty, embarrassed myself to some extent (Really don't know how badly, not that I blacked out. Just that all my behavior seemed reasonable at the time.) Met the ex-gf's new boyfriend (shucks). Thrown in a car, and taken home. Ran past roommate, puked and passed out.

Good Times.

Saturday was the Carnivore Party. Good time had by all. Record turn out from what I understand. Won't go into too much detail here, cause if you're reading this, you probably were there, and if you weren't, try to do better next time. That, and nothing to eventful happened directly to me, so there. (Although, I am pissed that I missed the body shots. I always leave just before the real fun happens.)

Sunday was the Old Port Festival. Again no big deal, nothing eventful, just much gluttony. Then Kris, Dan and I want to the Old Country Buffet. If there was a Palace of American Excess, OCB would be it. (I think over the course of the weekend, I ate twice my body weight.)

Monday, of course was spooky night. At this point, I'm now feeling everything that's happened over the past, well, four days. But, being the social creature that I am, I can't stay away from the potential mass gathering. I did manage to find my ba...um, nerve, and actually talked to the girl I may or may not have referred to in an earlier post. I'll just say, it was encouraging. Yup.

Fast Forward...
Thursday, I got divorced. Officially. Done and over. Again, I've said it before, here and in Real Life(tm), it's good. It needed to happen. But, wow. What a way to start a Thursday.

So, now to this past weekend.

Saturday was the usual suspects. More drinking. And Denny's! I had not been to Denny's in about four years. I had no idea the wonders of the Mini-Burger. Thanks, Chase for introducing me to that culinary marvel. (Of course, I was drunk, so, I may have remember them being better then they actually are. Most things are like that.)

Sunday. Finally got out of Portland, at least for a few hours. Went to Boston to see VNV Nation. I'll write about that later, as that needs a separate post. I'll just say, though, wow. That was exactly what I needed.

Sorry for the long rambling recap. Especially cause, like I said earlier, if you're reading this, you probably know all this all ready. But, this is for me, not you, so deal. (Wow, hostile all of a sudden.)

Yup.

5.6.05

Yet I Can't Seem To Break Out


What Video Game Character Are You? I am a Breakout Bat.I am a Breakout Bat.


I am an abstract sort of creature, who dislikes any sort of restraint. If you try to pigeonhole me, I'll break the box, and come back for more. I don't have any particular ambitions, I just drift, but I am adept at keeping life going along. What Video Game Character Are You?


Thanks, Baron_, for pointing this out.

3.6.05

Out Of Practice

So, it seems that I've forgotten how to flirt. Not tat I was ever really good at it, but after four years of not having to do it, I'm even rustier. I can't quite tell the difference between the "Hey, your kinda cute" smile, and the nervous "Why does he keep staring at me" smile.

Not that I need to hurry. Or not that I even should hurry. Take a break, relax. Let the bitterness subside.

The weird thing is that while I was still married (OK, so, I'm still technically married, but look at how well that's working for me) I notice girls looking at me more often. I truly was a case of you notice it more when you're unavailable kind of thing. I'm still in the mind-set of I shouldn't be looking, really shouldn't be flirting, and then I realize that, oh yeah, I can now. It is fun, but scary at the same time. The agorophobia thing again.

On the flip side, because of fun with bank accounts, direct deposit systems, holidays, and the USPS, I didn't get my paycheck in time enough to have the money to go away this weekend. Dammit. I'm still restless, and need to get out of Portland for a while, and soon. Need to do other things for a while. Be somewhere where there's something going on more than two or three times a week. Bah. Over compensating for the four years that I wasn't social.

But this weekend at least looks promising as far as stuff to do in Portland. Lots of places and events to get drunk at.

And girls to smile at.

1.6.05

A, S-S, H-O, L-E

Yup. So I was an asshole Monday night. Grade A, First Class, USDA Choice Ashley.

But it was fun.

Setting the scene, for those of you who were not around, or didn't hear the story:

A few of us were out having a smoke outside the club the other night. A few guys come up and ask what kind of club it is. I could actually see De8 take in a breath to say some thing along the lines of "Well, normally, it is a gay club, but tonight they have a goth/industrial night" or something along those lines. However a certain jackass has to respond "It's a gay club. Want me to suck your dick."

Brilliant.

One other guys starts flipping out, basically saying, in a much more aggressive tone than I can capture here, "How dare you ask me to suck your dick".

Of course, being drunk, I had to correct him, reminding him that the jackass had actually asked if the redneck wanted his dick sucked.

Also brilliant.

The guy flips out some more, and we manage to get him calmed down to the point where he'll actually leave. (Realizing in retrospect that D8 had more tact than me at that point. I think that's one of the earlier signs of the apocalypse.)

So, flash forward to the end of the night, and many stories about the jackass (the one that was actually in the club) being, well, a jackass.

Jackass was talking to the same person I was talking to, and something came up about something, and I chime in "Tact, you need to learn a little bit of tact." (Irony defined?) So jackass goes off about not changing who he is, not holding back comments, etc, etc.
Fine, I say, that's all well and good, but keep in mind that other people around you may not want to deal with the fall out. "Well, Wally", he says, "This is a bar, not the Christian Science Reading Room."
"Yep, you're right. And the point of us being here is to have fun."

Then he tried to make it a point about the gentrification of Portland, saying I don't know the real Portland, because I grew up in North Deering (Actually, I grew up in East Deering, but whatever), etc, etc...

Yup, that's it. Your being a jackass is absolved because people from out of state are moving to Maine.

I've always disliked this person. A LOT. Now it would be a full fledged hatred. There aren't too many people that I even really dislike. I think there are about two others. And I can't even think of them right now.

But now, I say FUCK, you jackass. Eat a rock, piss off. I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire, and would piss on you if you weren't on fire.

To everyone else that may have been involved, I say, "Sorry about that."

But it was fun for a while.