3.6.05

Out Of Practice

So, it seems that I've forgotten how to flirt. Not tat I was ever really good at it, but after four years of not having to do it, I'm even rustier. I can't quite tell the difference between the "Hey, your kinda cute" smile, and the nervous "Why does he keep staring at me" smile.

Not that I need to hurry. Or not that I even should hurry. Take a break, relax. Let the bitterness subside.

The weird thing is that while I was still married (OK, so, I'm still technically married, but look at how well that's working for me) I notice girls looking at me more often. I truly was a case of you notice it more when you're unavailable kind of thing. I'm still in the mind-set of I shouldn't be looking, really shouldn't be flirting, and then I realize that, oh yeah, I can now. It is fun, but scary at the same time. The agorophobia thing again.

On the flip side, because of fun with bank accounts, direct deposit systems, holidays, and the USPS, I didn't get my paycheck in time enough to have the money to go away this weekend. Dammit. I'm still restless, and need to get out of Portland for a while, and soon. Need to do other things for a while. Be somewhere where there's something going on more than two or three times a week. Bah. Over compensating for the four years that I wasn't social.

But this weekend at least looks promising as far as stuff to do in Portland. Lots of places and events to get drunk at.

And girls to smile at.

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